12 Purple Files - Audio Memory

[proudambassador]

[A heavy sigh is the first thing that’s heard before Ambassador’s voice speaks.]
Vir. How many gods are there in our pantheon? I have lost count, since the last emperor was elevated to godhood.

[A much younger male voice answers him. It’s nervous and anxious and sounds a little flustered.] 48. No, no, 49. 50, if you count Zuug, but, you know, I never thought you should—

[Ambassador interrupts him.] All right. Let us say 50.

[Vir again.] 50.

[There’s a wry, sarcastic edge to Ambassador’s voice.] Now. Out of that 50. How many gods do you think I must have offended to have ended up with ---‘s teeth buried so deeply in my throat that I can barely breathe?

[A beat.] All of them?

Sounds right. [Ambassador sounded tired.] And now I have to go back to the Council and explain to them that in the interest of peace the Centauri government will agree to “give” Quadrant 37 to the ---. [He sighed.] I think I will stick my head in the station’s fusion reactor. It would be quicker. And I suspect, after a while, I might even come to enjoy it!

[Vir sounded very unsure.] Ambassador, why—

[Ambassador ignored the attempted interruption.] But this, this. This, this is like being… nibbled to death by, uh… [He makes an annoyed noise.] What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers. Long bill. Webbed feet. Go quack.

[There’s a pause, and then Vir sounded triumphant.] Cats!

Cats. [Ambassador sounded disgusted.] I’m being nibbled to death by cats.

Comments

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

[There's what might be very, very muffled laughter there before she clears her throat slightly and speaks]

I do not believe you are thinking of cats, Ambassador-san.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No?

[He sounds confused. That's what he's thought were cats all along.]

It sounds like them. A writer on the network was speaking of his only recently, though I hardly know why one would keep them, no.

[feathered-earth.livejournal.com]

[So most of that? She identified as political and the rest sailed right over her head.]

I've never met any cats that have those things.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No? Are you also not from Earth, my dear Krile?

[feathered-earth.livejournal.com]

No, I'm from a different planet, though I don't know what it's called. [BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAVE AN ACTUAL NAME, lazy FF.] But cats are more like...

[There's a meow in the background. She's obviously smiling as she goes on.]

Fur, long tails, sharp teeth and claws.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

No, cats have fur, and claws, and go 'miao'. That sounds more like some sort of bird - a duck, maybe.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I did not know. But I am honored to know that you too are an alien.

[He pauses.]

Fur, claws, tails, and teeth? That is not something that nibbles. Do you mean to say that I have had the animal wrong for all of this time?

[crimsonmischief]

Ah... I don't think 'cat' was the animal that matches that description.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

A duck? You mean the other, the... Vir, has mislead me? I have heard that voice before. In my dream. My aide. My own aide, he has mislead me. And I do not know if it is incompetence or meant.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No. It seems, if my good Miss Bellflower is to be believed, and I do not see a reason to not believe her, then it is a 'duck.' A duck! Every mention on the journals of cats, I have pictured ducks!

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

I am afraid so - though it sounds...unintentional?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, it sounds it, yes, but it is the ones that sound innocent that are the most sneaky, I tell you.

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

[There is a sound of wonder from Barry's end as he taps the radio, rather pleased to see this particular brand of technology.] I think those are ducks. How can you be nibbled to death by ducks?

[grab-my-bells.livejournal.com]

[Clearly you've already heard they're ducks by now] I'm sure cats would nibble you to death, too.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Clearly it would be a rather slow and annoying and painful death.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

But would they be as annoying as ducks, my good Bell?

[grab-my-bells.livejournal.com]

Mm... Yours and good? Sorry, Ambassador; you're not my type.

And cats are far worse than ducks. At least if a duck gets too annoying you can have it for dinner.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Well, I suppose we all have mysteries to solve about our pasts.

[Flying manta ray, she hasn't forgotten you]

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

We do. Myself, I am glad to have one less. Two less. No, no, three less.

[white-disciple.livejournal.com]

Your pantheon has only 50 gods, stranger?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

We have established this already, no? You are not my type either.

Yes? Good. It would be a proper sort of revenge.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Only, my good person? Only?

[There is a laugh.]

By the sounds of that, we cannot even keep them straight. 50, it is quite enough.

[grab-my-bells.livejournal.com]

You were the one who used a possessive title.

Mm hm. Roasted is usually the way to go.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

It is the way I address people.

And now, now I am wanting roast duck. I think I shall visit the shops.

[white-disciple.livejournal.com]

I suppose it depends on the pantheon - I imagine some races require more, and perhaps that was the reason for my surprise.

I doubt anyone save holy devotees can keep in order all of the gods in their pantheon, so that isn't so strange.