12 Purple Files - Audio Memory

[proudambassador]

[A heavy sigh is the first thing that’s heard before Ambassador’s voice speaks.]
Vir. How many gods are there in our pantheon? I have lost count, since the last emperor was elevated to godhood.

[A much younger male voice answers him. It’s nervous and anxious and sounds a little flustered.] 48. No, no, 49. 50, if you count Zuug, but, you know, I never thought you should—

[Ambassador interrupts him.] All right. Let us say 50.

[Vir again.] 50.

[There’s a wry, sarcastic edge to Ambassador’s voice.] Now. Out of that 50. How many gods do you think I must have offended to have ended up with ---‘s teeth buried so deeply in my throat that I can barely breathe?

[A beat.] All of them?

Sounds right. [Ambassador sounded tired.] And now I have to go back to the Council and explain to them that in the interest of peace the Centauri government will agree to “give” Quadrant 37 to the ---. [He sighed.] I think I will stick my head in the station’s fusion reactor. It would be quicker. And I suspect, after a while, I might even come to enjoy it!

[Vir sounded very unsure.] Ambassador, why—

[Ambassador ignored the attempted interruption.] But this, this. This, this is like being… nibbled to death by, uh… [He makes an annoyed noise.] What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers. Long bill. Webbed feet. Go quack.

[There’s a pause, and then Vir sounded triumphant.] Cats!

Cats. [Ambassador sounded disgusted.] I’m being nibbled to death by cats.

Comments

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

[There's what might be very, very muffled laughter there before she clears her throat slightly and speaks]

I do not believe you are thinking of cats, Ambassador-san.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No?

[He sounds confused. That's what he's thought were cats all along.]

It sounds like them. A writer on the network was speaking of his only recently, though I hardly know why one would keep them, no.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

No, cats have fur, and claws, and go 'miao'. That sounds more like some sort of bird - a duck, maybe.

[feathered-earth.livejournal.com]

[So most of that? She identified as political and the rest sailed right over her head.]

I've never met any cats that have those things.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No? Are you also not from Earth, my dear Krile?

[feathered-earth.livejournal.com]

No, I'm from a different planet, though I don't know what it's called. [BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAVE AN ACTUAL NAME, lazy FF.] But cats are more like...

[There's a meow in the background. She's obviously smiling as she goes on.]

Fur, long tails, sharp teeth and claws.

[crimsonmischief]

Ah... I don't think 'cat' was the animal that matches that description.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

No. It seems, if my good Miss Bellflower is to be believed, and I do not see a reason to not believe her, then it is a 'duck.' A duck! Every mention on the journals of cats, I have pictured ducks!

[crimsonmischief]

Well, now you can rectify that immediately! Cat's look something like this....

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

[There is a sound of wonder from Barry's end as he taps the radio, rather pleased to see this particular brand of technology.] I think those are ducks. How can you be nibbled to death by ducks?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Clearly it would be a rather slow and annoying and painful death.

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure they can kill you. It would probably hurt, though.

[grab-my-bells.livejournal.com]

[Clearly you've already heard they're ducks by now] I'm sure cats would nibble you to death, too.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

But would they be as annoying as ducks, my good Bell?

[grab-my-bells.livejournal.com]

Mm... Yours and good? Sorry, Ambassador; you're not my type.

And cats are far worse than ducks. At least if a duck gets too annoying you can have it for dinner.

[white-disciple.livejournal.com]

Your pantheon has only 50 gods, stranger?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Only, my good person? Only?

[There is a laugh.]

By the sounds of that, we cannot even keep them straight. 50, it is quite enough.

[lingeringlegacy]

A glimpse of life as an ambassador?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

[This gets a genuine chuckle.]

And so my name, it is shown to fit well, is it not, my dear Stellaris?

pinged again XD

[bluepoppyfields.livejournal.com]

So you are from a polytheistic society.

...I'm glad you didn't stick your head in a reactor.

LOL!

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

It would seem so, my dear woman.

As am I. I think that I would not enjoy it, no matter how long I was there.

[poisondango.livejournal.com]

[Oooo interesting technology]

Fifty, huh? Impressive, offending that many in one go.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Myself, I am most talented.

[remember_cephiro]

I empathize with you, despite not knowing what a fusion reactor is. Or a cat.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

A fusion reactor, it is something that gives power. And a cat, my good Mr. Crimson has drawn. [He draws an arrow up to that comment thread.]

Are you not human, my good boy?