17 Purple Files

[proudambassador]

Londo of House Mollari. That is who I am. I do not know if it is a thing to be celebrated, finding this out. The knowledge that came with it, it is heavy. What does one think, and do, when they are not sure they wish to know more about who they are, but cannot abide being utterly ignorant?

I am an ambassador, and I am a very bad friend, and I do not think I like myself all that much.

Comments

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

One that makes you happier, I suppose. Or the people you care about happier.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I think that I am as happy as I shall ever be. And as unhappy, hm?

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Perhaps. I think change is always possible, though - for the better or for the worse.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Maybe, maybe. But I do not know where to begin.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

With something small. Smile at someone as you walk to work. Say hello to someone you don't always.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I shall say hello, then. And we will see who says hello back, and who simply gives me a strange look and continues on.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

It's a start.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

And you, my good Bellflower, are more of an optimist than I shall be.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

It's the outlook that makes me happiest.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Why? You will only be disappointed many times, no?

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Perhaps. But I'd rather not assume the worst of someone I don't even know yet, for instance.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

There is something between assuming the worst and the best, and that, I believe, is the reality. I am a realist.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Ah, but where things are uncertain - do you assume the best or the worst then?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

The worst. It is easiest. And then sometimes, I am pleasantly surprised.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Sometimes assuming the best of other brings out the best in them. And sometimes you are disappointed, instead.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

And if you do not look for the best, then you are not disappointed, and there are far fewer miseries in this life.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

I suppose it depends if you would trade the greatest joys, and, sometimes, the greatest sorrows for numbing yourself to both.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

And that, my good woman, is as easy a question as I have ever seen.

Yes. I do.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Then we are at an impasse, and I will no more change your mind than you, mine. But I do hop things work out well for you.