17 Purple Files

[proudambassador]

Londo of House Mollari. That is who I am. I do not know if it is a thing to be celebrated, finding this out. The knowledge that came with it, it is heavy. What does one think, and do, when they are not sure they wish to know more about who they are, but cannot abide being utterly ignorant?

I am an ambassador, and I am a very bad friend, and I do not think I like myself all that much.

Comments

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

To know a thing is to know we can change, too, Londo-san.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

The young, perhaps. I am old, and this is the past that I have seen. What is to say I did change?

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Perhaps not there - but there is here, too.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Yes. And here I make journals. It is not a very important thing. But perhaps I am different. I do not know. I do not know how to change.

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

Maybe you were a bad friend before, but you can be a good friend here. What did you see?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I am not so sure. But perhaps, perhaps. I saw the death of my friend, my good Mr. Barry, on my blade. Ostensibly it was to save his family, but who is to say? My friend, I killed him. This, it is the mark of a very bad friend, no?

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to see that. Did he ask you to do it?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

That, I did not see. Perhaps he did, perhaps he did not. All I know is that he could have killed me instead, and stayed his hand, so that I would kill him. It does not change that his blood is on my hands.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

You change by seeing things in yourself that you don't want to be part of you, and working opposite to them.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I think, my good Bellflower, that it is very likely I am simply too old. Sometimes I do not like that I am lazy, but then I do not wish to work more. I wish that I was not lonely, but I do not like company or being crowded. Change, it is a strange thing.

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

Perhaps a sorting of priorities is in order, then. But change does not have to be great to be important.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

But what is a little change that counts?

[esoteric_rose.livejournal.com]

[She sees the comments below, and thinks for a long time before responding.]

If you desire someone to talk to, I can empathize with this situation.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I am a very boring Centauri that complains a great deal. But if this, and what I have written, do not bother you, then do come over.

[esoteric_rose.livejournal.com]

Where could I find you?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

My house, it is in section three, number [].

[esoteric_rose.livejournal.com]

I'll be over in a while.

[ooc: ql/log/handwave?]

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

Take your time. I am hardly going anywhere.

[ooc: quicklog? :D I'm about to go to bed but I can do more tomorrow.]

[wayofflowers.livejournal.com]

One that makes you happier, I suppose. Or the people you care about happier.

[desertshadows.livejournal.com]

[reading the responses is bothering him, but saying that won't help much.]

Do you think you're the same now as you were then?

[weaver-girl.livejournal.com]

[Tap tap tap. She has to think about this one for a while.]

What would you like to be called now?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I think that I am as happy as I shall ever be. And as unhappy, hm?

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

[He starts to write a few times, trying to decide what he thinks. Eventually he answers back.]

No. I am living in a tree. I have died and come back. There are some who sometimes care about me, and sometimes some I care about. I think that I could not help but change.

[proudambassador.livejournal.com]

I do not know, my dear girl. You may call me Ambassador, or you may call me Londo. It is your choice.

[notamelonfucker.livejournal.com]

No. It doesn't. And killing someone is something to feel bad about. But you can't say anything for sure unless you know the full situation, and I don't think you'll ever know in this place.

Will you be all right?